There’s so much pressure these days to be a “supermum.” To have the perfect routine, packed lunches, endless patience, and a child who sleeps through the night, eats broccoli, and never has a tantrum in public.

Spoiler alert: I have none of that perfected. But I’m doing my best — and learning that helping my child thrive doesn’t mean sacrificing myself in the process.

Here’s what that balance looks like for me right now:

1. Slowing down after school

As both me and my husband work full time, we enlist the help of Nanna (my Mum) – we honestly would be lost without her! She works with us to help us keep a good balance. After preschool pick up, they often do something for the hour they are together, like feed the ducks, pop for a coffee, go to Tesco – something that keeps her engaged but helps slow down the day. We try and have dinner once a week at my mums (we call it Nannas Supper Club” ) as it helps on the day I’m in the office and keeps to our routine. Other nights she’s home with us.

Instead of rushing through dinner and the bedtime routine, I try to sit with my daughter and really listen – sometimes we cook the dinner together. Even if it’s just 10 minutes of focused attention, it makes a difference. For me, it’s the favourite part of my day of real connection and learning about her day. I tend to ask her things like “what made you laugh the most today?” Or “what did you do with your hands today?” opposed to asking her “How was your date?”. I’ve found this type of questioning makes her think more and she’s come out with some crackers!

2. Creating routines that work for us

We don’t follow every parenting book out there. I’ve found that a flexible routine that fits our real life (and mood!) works better than a rigid schedule. Our approach is follow the same steps for consistency but we aren’t rigid with the time, a half hour each way hasn’t hurt us yet.

3. Letting go of comparison

Every child is different. Every family is different. The minute I stopped comparing our journey to others, things got lighter. Having been through pregnancy and early motherhood in isolation through high level shielding I felt like I had to overcompensate for things or that I was doing things wrong, once I made myself understand that we were just our type of different things just seemed to settle down.

4. Taking care of me too

I can’t pour from an empty cup. So I’m learning to rest, eat well, ask for help, and take breaks — because when I’m okay, I’m a better parent. I’m very good at giving advice to friends and family on this but have started to remember that I have to practice what I preach – you need good foundations to be able to help lift others up otherwise you’ll crumble.

5. Celebrating the small wins

Some days, thriving just means getting everyone out the door with shoes on the right feet. And that’s worth celebrating. Every day, we discuss over dinner what we were proud of that day and what we would have done differently. I love that we can involve our 4 year old in this as she still has an angle and I feel like that helps her to practice her thoughts and feelings. She will say things like “ I was proud to be picked at phonics today” followed by “ I didn’t have the best listening ears today”.

Motherhood is a wild ride, but I’m realising it doesn’t have to mean losing myself. I’m so conscious that people always say how much my daughter is like me, so I try my best to show her that I think I’m pretty good – I don’t ever want her to see me doubt or talk negatively about myself and potentially put that on her when she’s older. In fact, the more I show up for myself, the more I can show up for my child — fully, joyfully, and with love.